DAY 1: March 11, 2011 4lbs. 2oz.
As Shaun pushed me in the wheelchair to the elevator from our room down to the 3rd floor where the NICU was, I felt elated. It had been 12 hours since I gave birth to her, and I hadn't gotten to see her yet let alone touch her. All I wanted to do was hold her, touch her, claim her for my own, but I knew the road ahead would be hard and it may be some time before I was able to make any sort of motherly connection with our new baby girl (that scared me). During my four day stay at the hospital on bed rest, trying to keep Payton inside me, I had read several manuals and books on how to prepare to have a baby in the NICU. I thought I knew what to expect to see and feel, the books told me and I felt prepared, but when I entered her room nothing could have prepared me for what I saw:
Words can't describe how frightening and emotional it makes a mother and father to see their perfect little newborn child hooked up to cords and wires with breathing tubes and pic lines all over their tiny little bodies. I tried not to cry but the emotions overtook my will power to be tough. She was in bad shape and there was nothing Shaun or I could do but watch helplessly and pray that God would keep her safe.
DAY 2: March 12, 2011 4lbs. 1oz.
Sleep was near to impossible the night before, and all I wanted to do was hold my baby (I couldn't hold her because of the breathing tubes). I didn't feel like a mom yet, and I thought if I could just hold Payton I would get that instant connection and bond with her that I had always thought would be there.
Shaun and I wanted to make it to the NICU by 9:00am to be with Payton when the doctors made their rounds. We made our way down and as I scrubbed in I thought that hopefully by some miracle Payton would come home before the projected 9 weeks. When I entered Payton's room My heart skipped a beat. She was no longer hooked up to breathing tubes! She had so many people praying for her and smart doctors and nurses caring for her I knew she would get better eventually, but I wasn't expecting it to happen this quickly. When the doctors came in they explained to us why Payton was doing so well. The shots of steroids I received had done their job. Payton's lungs had rapidly matured and made it possible for her to breathe on her own. The doctors explained to Shaun and I that in order for Payton to go home she had to gain weight, maintain her own body temperature outside of the isolette, and learn how to eat and breathe at the same time--a tall order for such a small little person.
The doctors then asked if I would like to hold my baby. Did they have to ask, of course I did it was all I could think about!! They told me it would have to be skin to skin in order to keep the baby from burning extra calories. I, of course, didn't mind. Anything to get my child into my arms!
I sat in the rocking chair in my hospital gown, waiting for the nurse to hand me Payton. She was so small and tiny, I was afraid to hold her fragile little body. Finally the nurse opened up the side of the isolette and carefully maneuvered her body out. when she handed her to me, I felt her warm little body against mine and I knew, at that moment, that my life would never be the same. This little miracle had captured my heart forever.
First time I held Payton
DAY 3: March 13, 2011 3lbs 14oz
Today was full of pumping, eating, and sleeping. My cesarean incision was starting to bother me because I was trying not to take many pain killers (it reduces milk production). I visited Payton several times in the NICU, and I got to hold her twice. She was doing great! She had an IV through her belly button and was receiving some medications to help her grow and gain weight, as well as her feeding tube.
DAY 4: March 14, 2011 3lbs 12oz
This was one of the most difficult days Shaun and I had, today was the day that I was released from the hospital and had to leave Payton. We visited her several times that morning and then around 1:00pm I was released. As we walked out to the car without our baby we walked by several couples with their newborn babies getting ready to load up their cars to take them home. Shaun and I tried to run a few errands to keep us busy that day, but all we could think about was Payton. That night was just as bad. We went back to the NICU and just stared at her little body through the plastic incubator wall. Even with all her monitors and IVs, she just looked perfect. I cried the whole way home from the hospital. All I wanted was to be a Mom and be able to take care of my baby. to wake up every 2 hours to feed her and take care of her. I would have given anything to have been able to take her home.
DAY 5: March 15, 2011 3lbs 11oz
The next six days seemed to blur together. Payton was moved from room 7 to room 10, and she had a roommate name Austyn (she was the same gestational age as Payton, but she was much smaller at only 1 lb 5 oz)
We got to the hospital every morning by 10 to make it for the doctors rounds. Nothing changed other than Payton's gradual weight loss. After we held and cuddled on Payton each morning, we would head home and Shaun would go to work. I came back to the hospital every day two more times at 3pm and 9pm to hold her. Every night it was so difficult to leave her, and I would dream of the day I could take her home.
DAY 6: March 16, 2011 3lbs 10oz
The doctors decided to take Payton's IV out today. Apparently the longer they are in the more likely the baby is to get a bad infection. The doc said she would lose some more weight because she wasn't getting all the lipids and vitamins she was through her IV; however, she would be getting fortified breast milk to help her gain weight and grow.
DAY 7: March 17, 2011 3lbs 9oz
WE got to help give Payton a bath today!! She hated it because it wasn't a real bath, it was more of a wipe-down and definitely made her agitated.
Payton doesn't really cry, she just grunts and squeals when she wants to eat or is getting her diaper changed. Unfortunately she freaks and has the sweetest high pitched cry whenever they put her feeding tube back in or peel off the tape keeping her feeding tube in place. Its very sad :(
Grandma got to hold Payton today :)
DAY 8: March 18, 2011 3lbs 7oz
Today the doctors decided that it was ok to try and non-nutritive breastfeed Payton once a shift. Which means she can practice eating, but the doctors didn't want her to get drowned by milk let down (I had to pump before I tried to feed her) so I tried to feed once every 12 hours. She fed at 1, 4, 7, and 10 both in the am and pm. I went to every 1pm feeding and 10pm feeding. This was the beginning of many long hours and lots of driving to and from the hospital.
It was an amazing feeling to be able to feed her. It wasn't much milk, but when she latched on it made me feel like a Momma because I was the only one who could do that for her. I definitely appreciated all the nurses and everything they did for Payton, but it took away a lot of what makes a Mom feel like a Mom (changing diapers, feedings, baths, snuggling with baby etc...)
DAY 9: March 19, 2011 3lbs 9oz
She finally started to gain weight, and we were excited because that meant she was one step closer to coming home! It was also getting easier to have her in the NICU. I still had bad days but for the most part, I was holding it together pretty well (Shaun was the epitome of strength through this whole experience, and was always a voice of reason).
DAY 10: March 20, 2011 3lbs 11oz
Payton was doing so awesome! The Nurses and doctors said it was time to come in and actually feed her during her feeding times. It was only once a shift and she has to eat for a full 10 minutes for the feeding to be considered full. They told us in order for her to come home she had to be able to eat at every feeding for the full 10 minutes. That seemed like it was so far away, but I knew that she was in good hands and taking steps in the right direction. The next three days I came in at 1 and 10 to breastfeed. She was doing so great and did a lot of growing and gaining weight. She finally started to have some cute chubby cheeks!
DAY 11: March 21, 2011 3lbs 13oz
She pulled her feeding tube out, so we got a quick pic of her face!!
DAY 12: March 22, 2011 3lbs 15oz
The doctors moved Payton's feedings to twice a shift today! Such great progress! Shaun and I both felt like she was going to come home several weeks ahead of schedule. We made a bet on when she would come home, I guessed April 12th he guessed April 15th.
DAY 13: March 23, 2011 4lbs 2oz
DAY 14: March 24, 2011 4lbs 5oz
She is in a "big Girl bed" now!! Meaning she is out of the plastic incubator and in a plastic tub ha ha. basically it looks like what regular newborns are in. The big girl bed means she is maintaining her own body temperature and she no longer needs the incubator to help her regulate it!! Shaun and I were so excited, one step closer!!
She and her cute roommate Austyn were moved from their ridiculously small room to a larger room in the corner of the NICU, room 4. Payton was doing much better breast feeding, but still had feedings that didn't last the full 10 minutes. The nurses all told me that this was the most difficult time because learning to eat was the longest process for most preemies.
DAY 15: March 25, 2011 4lbs 6oz
DAY 16: March 26, 2011 4lbs 7oz
Today the Doc gave me the green light on feeding Payton at every feeding if I could make it, but they said not to push her too hard if she doesn't have the energy to eat a full feeding.
DAY 17: March 27, 2011 4lbs 11oz
Her belly umbilical chord fell off to so we go to give her a REAL bath!She LOVED it :)
DAY 18: March 28, 2011 4lbs 9oz
Payton ate 5 times in a row today!! The nurses and doctors said that I need to come to every feeding tomorrow and the following days so she can possibly be discharged! I cant even begin to tell how surprised I was to hear this!!
DAY 19: March 29, 2011 4lbs 13oz
She ate so well today that the nurses told me to bring her car seat to the hospital! They do a car seat test to see how the baby does. for example, some babies don't breathe well or their oxygen saturation goes below where it should be.
DAY 20: March 30, 2011 4lbs 15oz
Today was the first time I could make it to all her feedings! She ate at everyone! I also brought in her car seat and she passed the test with flying colors! I was so so impressed as were the nurses. Unfortunately I practically slept at the hospital because our house is too far to go back and forth all the time, and I was in a rocking chair which didn't help, but she was eating and I couldnt believe it!
DAY 21: March 31, 2011 5lbs
The Doctors had us get all set up in a room where they have the parents sleep at the hospital with the baby so they can see if the baby is ready to go home as well as if the parents ready to take the baby home. The room was just down the hall from the NICU and had a queen sized bed for Shaun and I to sleep in, as well as a place for Payton's little bed. It had happened so fast! Nurses were going through all the protocols with us on discharging the baby and a woman set all of Payton's appointments with a pediatrician and several follow-up clinics for preemies. I was in shock I couldn't believe it had happened so fast, everyone in the NICU had told us that learning to feed was the hardest things for babies to learn how to do, and here Payton was, doing it a whole month ahead of her projected time estimate.
That night was very long. All her monitors kept going off and I would have to figure out how to turn them down or call the nurse. After every feeding and alarm I had to call the nurse in to let her know that Payton had eaten and had a dirty diaper. I also had to keep track of all of it on a piece of paper which made me anxious! I was just sure that she wasn't going to get through all of her feedings and then they wouldn't let her go home with us! yet she did and with flying colors!
DAY 22: April 1, 2011 5lbs
Shaun and I hadn't bought any diapers or a bassinet for Payton to sleep in, so Shaun ran a few errands while several nurses and doctors came in to give me instructions on what to do when she is home and things to watch for. I kept notes, I was so nervous, she seemed way too small to be coming home!!
When Shaun got back to the hospital we took our stuff we had accumulated in two days out to the car along with our BABY! She had done it! Overcome all odds and even come home earlier than anticipated, we were so happy.
Throughout the process of having Payton in the NICU we had said many prayers and had many sleepless nights. We both appreciate her so much more than I think we would have if this had not happened. I feel so grateful for the sleepless nights and the long days I have now, so lucky to have this perfect little baby in our lives, and so blessed to be able to have children.
Thanks to everyone who loved and supported our family through out these difficult times. We love you and are so grateful for the service you gave our family.
Shaun and McCall
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